lets start a swedish sibling band together
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize