saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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