Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's shark week go big or go home
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
