Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
