Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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