do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
