I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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