Sry I called you an 8
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
