white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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