you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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