So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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