Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
