i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
