All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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