Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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