My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
