I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
