i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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