I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
