I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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