my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
