I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
