I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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