It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
