I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Randomize
