I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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