Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize