u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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