this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
