I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
