when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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