He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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