she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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