Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
