some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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