so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
did you just send me my own nude
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
