I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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