Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
