Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize