Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
