I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
