You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize