Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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