i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize