This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
