He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
