omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
