if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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