just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
