we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
