The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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