just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
