Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
