He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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