don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
