just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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