My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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