Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize