I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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