so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
