On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
