He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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