can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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