It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
