Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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