Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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