I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
