Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
