how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
