This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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