she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
